The Riverside Park

At this time of day the Riverside Park is a very peaceful place. The morning is beautiful with white, puffy clouds floating slowly by in a blue sky--the color of blue only God can create. The temperature is just right with a slight breeze...exactly what I need this morning. After my first week in college this semester, by the time 8:30 p.m. rolled around on Thursday night I was completely exhausted. Thursday was a long day. That morning, before my classes, I had to deal with a family problem that had me in tears, worried, and upset about the outcome. As much as I tried to concentrate on what our instructor was saying, I still had those distracting worries clouding my mind. The park is such a peaceful scene with the sights, sounds, and smells that often take me to a different time in my life, a simpler time.

As I sit here and look around, I breathe in deeply letting the glorious morning calm my weary thoughts. The river is full of life, with the sun glistening across the ripples in the water. In the distance, an American flag waves, reminding me to be thankful for my country and freedom. A lone fishing boat is scooting up the river, the fisherman, I am sure has dreams of catching "THE BIG ONE". When I was a child, the park had more of the majestic oaks and cottonwoods than it does now. There used to be a lock you could walk across where someone could sit and fish. I was terrified to walk across the lock. If I looked down at the murky water I would start to get dizzy. My imagination would run wild as I saw myself falling forever lost in the river. I miss the lock and the big oak and cottonwoods. Life is constantly changing no matter how much I would like it to stay the same.

I close my eyes, a little in sadness but mostly to close out "now" and bring back more memories. I hear the clickety-clack of the traffic crossing the bridge, the sound hasn't changed from my childhood, just more of it. A small child screams with delight while playing on the swings, so familiar, seems like yesterday when I was the one pushing my children in the swing; their laughter. the memories rush through my mind bringing a few tears, wishing just for a moment that I could hold them close in my arms, to feel their little arms wrapped around my neck, mother and child. The honk from an eighteen-wheeler on the bridge breaks my melancholy and brings me back to the present.

The morning has a sweet scent in the air, the kind that comes after a night of rain. The air has been washed and everything smells so clean. The fried chicken from a couple close by brings back the family reunions we used to have at the Riverside Park. I can still remember all the good food that was brought to the reunions. My Aunt Nancy would bring a chicken pot pie that had canned biscuits baked on top of it. I thought that was the best. There would be a table full of desserts, fresh apple pie still warm from the oven with a hint of cinnamon. The food was always good. As I come back to reality I realize there must be a rotting fish somewhere nearby. I quickly forget about the good smells from my past reunions here at the park.

Regretfully, I gather up my notebook. The time for reminiscing is over for the moment. A peaceful morning at the park has given me just what I needed to refresh my body and mind, has opened up my senses and made me ready to face another week.

Better some day

I promise to get better at blogging in the future

Another week gone by...still struggling with Psychology. I do not like taking all these questionares to answer things about myself. We have an assignment to turn in Monday. We are supposed to say what kind of attachment we are and name 5 events in our lifetime that made us that way. She is being very lenient by giving us an example and if we want to use this example and figure out what kind of attachment Gomer has and make up the events in his life that made him that way, so that is the way I am going. I have to be honest, my husband helped me get started. I was totally blank on how to get started. I am that way a lot, but once I get started I can usually go from there. I actually enjoyed myself once I was past the starting point. I have the same problem with essays. Anyhoo...I have that done and I hope it is done right. We will have a test on Tuesday and I am not at all prepared for it. I need to study my notes a lot, but don't see the point until Monday night. I know myself well enough to know that after a couple of days I will forget what I have studied. I find this class to be full of useless crap. I guess if I was going for some kind of degree in psychology I might find it interesting but so far I think it just a way to blame someone else for your actions. I do not believe in blaming someone else for my actions. I know the events in our lifetime to do make us the way we are, but I will not blame others for my mistakes. I wish I could blame someone else for some of my really stupid mistakes but unfortunately they are all mine. oh well, enough about that.
It has been a good week, but I am worn out. I had the little munchkin until Wed. night. He is precious but I am up and down constantly getting something for the little whiner. I can see why we are supposed to have our children while we are young, I couldn't handle a baby at my age, but if push come to shove I would take him in a heart beat I would just be worn out for the rest of my life..
Oh by the way we are watching this very interesting show about how pencils are made...

I am sitting in my bed with Chelsey Lately on the television and I have my laptop on my lap. I am excited. I have started a blog. How cool is that? Me boring me has started a blog. You know I might become interesting in the latter part of my life, not there yet, but my life is definitely turning around. Now if I can just keep that one-fourth crazy part out of this blog we will all be happy. By the way my z is working now. Don't know what kind of glitch I had earlier but it would not work. I guess I could go back and edit that part of the blog but heck that would just be boring wouldn't it and I am on the highway to a little place I like to call interesting. So much for the first day of my blog. I am calling it a night....

Just trying out some things on this blogger thingie. You know this is supposed to be about my thoughts on going back to school, but who knows I will probably write whatever comes into my head, isn't that what a journal is all about?

Psychology of Adjustment

What can I say about my class? Each day when I walk out the door I am a little more depressed. I am learning more about my low self-esteem, that I am an introvert. I need to change myself a lot and that is depressing. I am too old for all these changes in my life, but that seems to be what I am finding out in this class. The teacher is great, she is funny and upbeat, but I have come to dread those hand-outs. We answer questions about ourselves. I don't like learning about myself. I would rather be kept in the dark about why I am the way I am.

I ended up in this class by accident. I am planning on getting an associates degree in Medical Office Management (MOM). I started taking classes before my job ended thinking I would have a head start and maybe going to school wouldn't be so hard on me. It seems that was the wrong thing to do. Since I got the head start our advisor had to put me in an enhancement class. I am going to school through a government program TAA and I am required to be in school during the summer too. If I am out of school over 30 days I will lose my benefits. I know I have probably lost your interest by now, I have run all over the place with this. Anyhoo....where was I? Oh yes, I am in this class by accident (or maybe not, maybe I needed this) I still don't know what to make of the class. I hope it will make an improvement on my personality. I want to be more outgoing and I want to think more positive about myself.

So now I am startting a blog, about my boring life, at age 56 going back to school.